On a giant group date, Wayne Newton arrived to trend on Twitter for a bit and teach the men how to sing the tune of “Danke Schoen” into a woman’s face, then had them write their own lyrics to the song to then sing to Becca on stage in front of other humans. It was an absolute nightmare that mortified us to our core, and to be honest, we fast forwarded through most of it. (We also fast forwarded through most of the hot tub canoodling with Colton. We don’t have time for this!)
After we died that small death, we then watched Becca make out with Bad Instagrammer Garrett while Eddie from Friends spiraled out of control, as if someone had killed his fish or something. If he didn’t get a rose then, he was never gonna get a rose. How could Blake get the rose over him? He might as well go home!
The only thing we know about David is that he hates Jordan and his golden underpants, and that’s simply not enough to root for him. We know a lot about Jordan at this point, and weirdly the golden underpants are the least annoying thing about him. We can laugh at a pair of golden underpants every once in a while! And we even started to momentarily feel for Jordan when he opened up about his parents, which is much more than David has opened up about. We got to the point where if Becca was going to send one guy home, we were rooting for it to be the Chicken. Just for like, a second.
At the cocktail party, Becca confronted Eddie from Friends about how she didn’t kill his fish and he didn’t seem interested in taking initiative with her, but he did seem totally interested in talking about how Becca didn’t seem to be interested in him. It got to the point where Eddie from Friends was not worth keeping, especially when he rudely interrupted Becca’s conversation with Wills about how she’s still cool even though she’s a nerd, but she’s a dorky nerd, and they just sat down like two minutes ago, Eddie from Friends.
Next week, the whole gang heads to the place known for lovers, which is obviously Richmond, Virginia! Woo! Toast to Richmond, Virginia!